Making Friends as an Adult: Why It Feels Hard and How to Make It Easier

Making friends as a kid was effortless. You sat next to someone in class, traded snacks at lunch, and boom—you were best friends. But as we get older, friendships become more complicated. Careers, relationships, and personal responsibilities take priority, leaving little room for building new connections.

If you’ve ever felt like making new friends in adulthood is an uphill battle, you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: friendship isn’t just for the young. It’s entirely possible to form meaningful relationships at any age—you just need to be intentional about it.

Shift Your Mindset: New Friends Can Be Made at Any Time

One of the biggest barriers to making friends as an adult is the belief that it’s “too late.” Maybe you think everyone already has their social circles locked in or that meeting new people feels awkward now. The truth is, that friendships are fluid and fluctuate over time. Life circumstances change, and so do the people in our lives.

Instead of seeing friendship as something that happens naturally in your youth and then stagnates, think of it as an ongoing process. Friendships aren’t just about proximity or convenience—they’re also about shared values, interests, effort, and emotional connection. And those things can be developed at any stage of life.

Put Yourself Where the People Are

Making friends requires one key ingredient: people. If you’re stuck in the same routines—work, home, repeat—it’s going to be hard to meet new faces. The good news? You don’t need to force yourself into uncomfortable social settings to find potential friends.

Instead, start with places that naturally align with your interests. Join a book club, take a class, volunteer, or attend professional networking events. If you already enjoy an activity, chances are you’ll meet others who do too. The key is consistency—friendship doesn’t happen overnight, so keep showing up.

If traditional social settings feel overwhelming, explore digital options. There are many apps and online communities designed for making friends based on common interests. Platforms like Meetup, Bumble BFF, or even Facebook groups can be great starting points. Engaging in online spaces can often lead to real-life connections, especially when the group is centred around local events.

Many people have formed lasting friendships through online gaming communities, book clubs, or fitness groups that eventually transition into in-person meetups. Taking that first digital step can be a comfortable way to build new connections.

Be Proactive: Small Steps Lead to More Connection

One of the trickiest parts of adult friendships is taking that first step. We tend to assume that if someone wants to be friends, they’ll reach out. But the reality is, many people feel the same hesitation you do. Sometimes, you have to be the one to break the ice.

Start small. Compliment someone at yoga class, ask a coworker to grab a coffee, or message an old acquaintance you’d like to reconnect with. If you click with someone, don’t be afraid to take the next step—suggest a casual hangout like going for lunch or trying a new café. Yes, it might feel a little awkward at first, but real friendships grow from repeated interactions and shared experiences.

Nurture the Friendships You Find

Meeting people is just the first step. The real challenge is deepening those connections into lasting friendships. As an adult, friendships require a little more effort than they did in school because we aren't automatically seeing our friends through circumstance. We have to make the time and put in the effort.

Be intentional about checking in, making plans, and showing up. A simple text saying, “Hey, I saw this and thought of you!” can go a long way. Don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable—friendships thrive on authenticity. The more open you are, the more likely you are to form meaningful bonds.

Beyond casual check-ins, invest time in strengthening your connection by scheduling regular get-togethers. This could be a weekly coffee date, a monthly game night, or even a shared hobby like hiking or a cooking class. Consider hosting a dinner party, planning a weekend getaway, or starting a group tradition like a book club or weekly viewing parties. Finding activities you both enjoy makes it easier to keep the friendship alive and thriving.

Show genuine interest in their lives—ask about their work, their passions, and their struggles. The more engaged you are, the deeper the friendship can grow.

Lastly, remember that dependability is a key part of any friendship. Follow through on plans and be there during tough times. True friendships aren’t just about celebrating the good moments—they're also about showing up when things get hard.

Dealing with Social Anxiety

Navigating social situations as an adult often comes with the challenge of social anxiety, especially when it comes to meeting new people or stepping outside your comfort zone. The pressure to be “perfect” or to always know what to say can make forming new connections feel daunting. It’s important to remember that everyone experiences moments of nervousness, and no one is expecting perfection.

Start by practising self-compassion. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel anxious and that making mistakes is a natural part of the process. If you find yourself struggling with nerves before a social event, try grounding techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness exercises to calm your thoughts.

If things don’t go as planned—maybe you said something awkward or didn’t connect as you hoped—be kind to yourself. Everyone has social missteps. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to immediately form a deep bond with a new friend, focus on simply enjoying the moment and letting the connection unfold naturally.

Taking small steps—whether it’s smiling at someone or having a brief conversation—is a big win in building lasting friendships. With practice and patience, social anxiety becomes more manageable, allowing you to approach new relationships with greater ease.

If social anxiety is significantly interfering with your ability to connect with others or is causing you distress, consider talking to a therapist here at Shift Collab. A therapist can help you explore the root causes of your anxiety and work with you on practical strategies to manage it.

Final Thoughts: Friendships Are Worth the Effort

Yes, making friends as an adult takes effort. But the rewards—deep conversations, shared laughter, and a sense of belonging—are more than worth it. Friendship isn’t about luck; it’s about intention. So, put yourself out there, start small, and nurture the connections you make.