ADHD & Motherhood: Why It Got So Much Harder After Baby

Before becoming a mom, my ADHD was something I had learned to manage—mostly. I had my own systems, my own rhythm. And, most importantly, the flexibility to recover when I inevitably dropped the ball.

Then I had a baby. Suddenly, I couldn’t afford to forget. There was no buffer, no catching up later. The mental load of motherhood was relentless, and my ADHD, which was once just an inconvenience, started to feel like a constant failure.

It wasn’t just the exhaustion. It was the sheer number of things I was expected to remember, track, and plan for, all while caring for a tiny human who depended on me completely. My executive functioning crumbled under the weight of it all. And as a therapist, I knew what was happening—but that didn’t make it any easier. It just added to the never-ending self-critical voice in my head.

The ADHD Motherhood Overwhelm

The world already expects moms to do it all. Add ADHD into the mix, and the weight of those expectations can feel unbearable.

• The constant decision fatigue. What time was the last feeding? Do we have enough diapers? When’s the next pediatrician appointment? Every small task required focus I just didn’t have.
• The guilt of forgetting things that felt important, like missing a nap window or realizing too late that I never sent a thank-you text for a gift.
• The frustration of knowing what would help but struggling to do it. I’ve told clients for years to set reminders, create external systems, and be kind to themselves. But when I was in it? I couldn’t even figure out what to write on a to-do list, let alone follow through.
• The deep shame of feeling like I should be better at this. I’ve spent my career helping people navigate their ADHD, and yet, I was struggling to function in my own life.

The Medication Decision Was Brutal

Staying on my ADHD meds during pregnancy and postpartum was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I knew I needed to function, but the guilt was heavy. The opinions of others didn’t help. There’s so much judgment around medicating anything during pregnancy, even when the research supports it. I agonized over it, wondering if I was being selfish.

But when I tried going without? I was drowning. My brain couldn’t keep up with the demands of motherhood. I needed help. And for me, that meant medication.

I wish more people talked about this part—the impossible decision-making, the pressure to be a “natural” mother who just instinctively knows what to do. But ADHD doesn’t work like that. We need support, whether that’s medication, therapy, or simply acknowledging that we can’t hold it all alone.

How I’m Learning to Function as an ADHD Mom

I don’t have this figured out. I still struggle, and my kids are young. But I’m starting to make peace with the fact that I’ll never be the mom who has it all together. Instead, I’m finding ways to survive—ways that work for me.

• Simplifying everything. If a system takes too much effort to maintain, I won’t stick with it. I build routines around what I already do instead of forcing myself into rigid schedules.
• Outsourcing my memory. I use alarms, checklists, and shared calendars to make sure I don’t drop the ball—not because I’m lazy, but because my brain genuinely won’t hold onto these things.
• Accepting that my way of parenting is enough. I may not be the mom who remembers to pack extra wipes every time, but I’m the mom who shows up with love, patience, and creativity. My kids don’t need perfection. They just need me.

If You’re an ADHD Mom, You’re Not Alone

Motherhood changed my ADHD. It made it louder, heavier, and harder to manage. And for a long time, I thought that meant I was failing. But I’m starting to realize that it just means I need different kinds of support than I did before.

If you’re an ADHD mom struggling to keep up, I see you. It’s not just you. It’s not just a matter of “trying harder.” Your brain works differently, and that doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you human. Just don’t forget there are supports here for you. And that showing up for that therapy session you’ve been meaning to book might just be the one thing you need to feel like you’re doing it in the best way you can—which is a win in my book!