The concept of caring for yourself is beautiful; one that celebrates relaxation, grounding, playfulness, and finding moments of peace in whatever way, shape, or form that may look like for you. Travel, solitude, dinner with friends, game nights, reading…the possibilities are endless.

Contrarily, self-care can feel heavy and oppressive, but why is that? The intention may be well but the language can be interpreted as the onus is on you (and you alone) to make yourself feel better. In other words, I need to plan time away, I need to book these appointments, I need to find a babysitter for a night out, I need to wake up earlier to get to the gym before work starts - and now it seems I have an even longer to-do list to accommodate my self-care! In order to actually enact self-care, there may be several daunting tasks or a feeling of stuckness and/or fakeness.

Furthermore, the cause of why you may feel burnt out or in need of self-care to begin with can be due to systemic issues like having precarious work, relationship pressures, or experiencing barriers due to a disability. It’s not fair and it’s exhausting.

I often talk about “self-regulation” versus “co-regulation” with my clients. Both serve very important roles in taking a holistic approach to one’s well-being. It’s important to access that inherent resiliency, confidence, and knowingness that we have the tools and the strength to cope with suffering and handle ever-changing external circumstances and relationships. On the other hand, leaning on the support of others can be important as well. Having a witness to your pain, someone to listen deeply to your highs and lows, to remind you of your worth when doubt creeps in, to help hold you accountable for enacting new habits - all of these examples can serve us well at different stages in our lives, too. They can support our self-care routines without us feeling like we need to do everything alone.

Self-care can involve being comfortable with receiving support from others. For many, receiving is uncomfortable. For some, even receiving a compliment can feel scary. When you’re used to giving to others, experiencing compassion fatigue, and/or being an empath, inviting in help can be something new and uncomfortable. If this sounds like something familiar to you, I encourage you to see if your “self-care” can include accepting love and support from others. It can also look like asking directly for what you need so that others know how to best support you.

The pressure doesn’t have to all be put on you to dig yourself out of a hole. I hear you and I see you. Perhaps we can reframe self-care in a way that embodies the solidarity and togetherness that it has the potential to be.