Change can feel incredibly challenging, especially when you're caught in the grip of stuckness and self-doubt. If this resonates with you—if you feel uncertain about your ability to change—know that you’re not alone. Many people experience similar doubts, whether they're resisting OCD rituals, working towards a healthier relationship with food, or breaking the cycle of dating emotionally unavailable and avoidant partners. It can feel like one step forward and two steps back. However, lasting change is possible, and it’s possible to get to where you want to be. Here are some ways you can tap into your resilience, wisdom, and strength during tough times:
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1. Learning New Coping Mechanisms and Skills: You can be introduced to specific skills to help manage distressing moments. For example, deep diaphragmatic breathing (expanding the belly outwards) can be calming, as can using temperature-based techniques like running your wrists under cold water or holding ice cubes in both hands. There are also long-term strategies to challenge unhelpful thoughts, problem-solving techniques (such as those used in solution-focused therapy), and mindfulness practices like meditation or guided body scanning. A guided Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercise can also be a great place to start.
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2. Accessing Acceptance, Self-Compassion, and Daily Mindfulness: Resisting what is currently happening often leads to greater distress. By approaching situations with acceptance and self-compassion, the door to the desired change can be opened. It’s important to be gentle with yourself—it’s normal to experience setbacks and bumps along the way. Self-compassion is key to navigating these challenges one step at a time while staying present. Incorporating daily mindfulness practices, such as mindful breathing or journaling, can further enhance your ability to stay connected to thoughts and emotions, allowing for a more thoughtful response to challenges. This combination of acceptance, self-compassion, and mindfulness can create a powerful foundation for lasting change. And if setbacks occur, know that they don't mean you’re back at square one. Each step forward counts, and there’s always value in continuing the journey.
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3. Creating S.M.A.R.T. Goals and Breaking Them Down into Smaller Steps: Simple yet powerful, S.M.A.R.T. goals—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound—can be an effective framework for driving progress. To make these goals more manageable and less overwhelming, breaking them down into smaller, achievable steps is key. This approach not only makes the process feel less daunting but also allows for easier tracking of progress, providing regular opportunities to recognize and celebrate your achievements.
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4. Evidence-Based Approaches That Work: There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to therapy. It might take some trial and error, but evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Motivational Interviewing (MI) have helped many people create meaningful change in their lives. An eclectic approach, using a variety of modalities tailored to your unique needs and goals, can be effective. You can also seek out a therapist who specializes in the therapeutic modality that resonates most with you.
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5. Leveraging Strengths: Identifying and leveraging your strengths can provide an advantage in the change process. Reflecting on past successes and considering the qualities or skills that contributed to those successes can help in applying these strengths to your current goals. This approach builds confidence and can reveal more effective ways to overcome challenges.
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6. Reflecting on Your “Why”: Clarifying your underlying motivations for change—the "why" behind your goals—can provide a strong sense of purpose. Regularly reflecting on why this change is important can reignite your passion and drive, especially during tough times. Knowing your "why" helps you stay focused and aligned with your deeper values.
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7. Consistent Sessions to Increase Self-Awareness: Regular sessions can help pinpoint patterns in your thoughts, actions, and beliefs. With this growing self-awareness, strategies can be identified to implement change in achievable and empowering ways. As your self-reflection deepens, you may observe improved emotional regulation, more grounded insights, and better decision-making capabilities. A strong therapeutic alliance—where you feel safe, accepted, and comfortable—is crucial. This relationship fosters greater engagement and leads to better results from the work together.

At the end of the day, you are your own best expert. A skilled therapist can offer guidance and support, but the real power to create change lies within you. By working together, embracing the strategies that resonate with you, and maintaining faith in your ability to grow, you can achieve your goals and create lasting change. Remember, every step forward, no matter how small, is progress. If you keep moving forward, the journey itself will bring you closer to where you want to be.