10 Things I Learned as a First Responder That Help Me Now as a Therapist

Yep, that’s right. Before following the path that led me to become a therapist, I spent fifteen years in an entirely different profession. And yet, the differences between first responders and therapists are fewer than you might think. Whether you’re a police officer, paramedic, 9-1-1 call-taker, nurse, therapist, or a frontline worker of another variation, we’re all here to support our communities. Quite often, we’re extending compassion to someone on what could be their worst day.

Here are 10 lessons from my 15-year career in law enforcement that help me in my work as a therapist today.

1. You’re Trying Your Best
   I’ve come to realize that most people are trying their best. Now, I can’t make that argument for everyone since, as you might guess, I’ve seen some rotten sides of humanity. But—and a big but (oh my gosh, get the Sir Mix-A-Lot song out of my head)—I really do believe that most of us are doing the best we can with the hand we’ve been dealt. How does this translate to therapy? Well, my assumptions of you are generous and kind. I figure you’re showing up at my virtual door to get some ideas that will help you do something different… even though you’ve been trying your best.
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2. The Value of “Team”
   One of my favourite aspects of law enforcement was being part of a team that served a greater mission. That mission often changed based on what we were called to do, but one thing I never doubted was that my shiftmates had my back. In industry speak, we called it having each other’s “six.” What does this mean to you? It means that I’ve got your “six.” We’re in this together. Not only do I have your back, I’m probably going to be pushing you a little.
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3. I Love Listening to Stories
   I always found it really meaningful to sit with someone and listen to their story. I wasn’t able to do this all the time, of course, but when I did get to spend some time connecting with people, it was the best part of my shift. One of my favourite memories was meeting an amazing woman I continue to call “The Lady in Red.” I can’t remember why I was called to the seniors’ community that day, but it put me in the orbit of “The Lady in Red.” As we were talking about her life, she asked me if she could read my palm. I’m not one to turn down a cool opportunity like this, so off we went on an adventure into my future. Well, if my memory serves me correctly, I should have five children and find myself in the midst of one of the four marriages she predicted. Currently, I have no kids and one cat. Regardless, I love a story, and I couldn’t be happier to be connecting with people as my vocation.
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4. The Importance of Exquisite Presence
   When I was responding to emergency calls where someone had experienced a tragic loss—say, the death of a loved one—I always hoped there would be something I could say to ease their pain. I quickly learned that there were no magic words that would soften the magnitude of a pain so deep as losing someone you love. I learned the same lesson when I worked as a residential volunteer and, later, as a grief support group facilitator at a hospice in southern Ontario. At best, I could be exquisitely present, solid in my support, and offer a shoulder to cry on in the early, earth-shattering moments and beyond. I’ve learned that a calm, compassionate presence is also enough to support a client through their toughest moments. The words will come, and we will find a way to process everything through, but first, I’m going to meet you where you’re at.
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5. The Bad Doesn’t Always Outweigh the Good
   First responders are trained to see threats and anything that could derail the task they’ve been assigned—mostly keeping people safe. This vigilance definitely creates a bias to spot all that could go wrong and focus on all that has gone wrong. In some ways, that’s beneficial, but it can cloud our ability to see a broader view of the world we live in. The reality is that there are good and hopeful things going on within this big, blue marble we live on. People are doing courageous things, looking out for one another, and creating beautiful moments that might go unnoticed when we’re not primed to look for them. This is why you might catch me asking you to “hunt the good stuff,” a well-known gratitude exercise straight out of the positive psychology playbook.
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6. Laughter Is Medicine for the Soul
   Laughter just plain feels good, and usually, it’s done in connection with other people. That’s a plus. Humour and laughter can bring us together, and they can also release some tension. Sometimes, laughter opens a door to a conversation where we get the chance to offer someone support when we suspect that underneath their humour, they’re actually hurting. Here’s what I would say to watch for: super dark humour that makes you cringe a little and humour that’s cruel or at someone’s expense. A topic for a different day.
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7. Mistakes:We All Make ’Em
   Especially in careers where no day is the same and you’re dealing with the complexity of real, live humans, you are bound to get outcomes you don’t love. Want my unsolicited advice? If you act in line with your values and your integrity, mistakes ain’t nothing but a thing. They’re an opportunity to recalibrate, adopt a growth mindset, and figure out what to do next. Yeah, that’s harder than it sounds as I hear that statement play back in my head. Sounds like a good topic for a therapy session.
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8. Life-Work Balance Is Critical
   My former work partner disagreed with the term work-life balance. She preferred life-work balance because we should be balancing our work around the things in our lives we value most. Heck, if we say, “family first,” shouldn’t we be taking actions that support that statement? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Mark it down as our first conversation. In the words of Miss Demi Lovato, “Better walk that walk, baby.”
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9. Self-Care Is Your Sustainability Plan at Work
   Any career has the potential to be a source of stress and struggle. Building a long-term self-care plan and an emergency version for the times when the proverbial sh*t hits the fan is essential to staying well in any line of work. A long-term self-care plan is like the maintenance routine you have in place for your car—getting regular oil changes to keep your car running and performing at its best. The emergency self-care plan is like calling roadside assistance or a tow when your car has broken down. You need to take action to get your car off the busy road and get it to someplace safe where more hands-on work can be done. I could talk about this all day. Self-care is intentional, it’s multidimensional, and it has got to be tailored to your needs and the potential challenges you might face at work.
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10. Build Your Support Squad
    I think we can agree that we were never meant to go it alone. In the good times, we need people to celebrate with and share our joy. In the bad times, we need someone to lean on and help us feel like there’s hope that things will get better. I tell my clients that often. If you don’t feel like you have hope right now, that’s okay. You can borrow mine.

As I said, I love to listen to stories, talk about life-work balance, and collaborate on building sustainable self-care plans for high-stress jobs. And if self-care looks like healing from trauma for you right now, I’ve got tools to work with you on that too. If these are topics you’d like to explore with a former first responder turned therapist, book a Meet & Greet with me, and let’s get started with some sessions now.